Life as a working nursing mother

disclaimer: this is bordering a pity party woe is me post... yet I recognize it could be way worse and I am very fortunate... more on that later.

My first week back to work was tiring. My schedule is pretty crazy. I get up at 5:30 and get ready, then I feed Kolton, then I load them both up, then I drive 15 minutes to my parent's house (though not last week because my mom was out of town which was extra busy), then I drive 25 minutes to TMCC , then I teach for 75 minutes (my eye on the clock the whole time worrying about how the baby is doing: is he hungry? will he last until I get there or will mom break down and give him a bottle?) Then I run out of the building as fast as possible not even enjoying my rare moment of solitude on the drive back because I'm racing now to make sure I get back in time to feed my little man. It takes me about 30 minutes to get back there where I feed Kolton twice and then drive for another 30 minutes to UNR where I park a little over a mile away and then walk as fast as I can into my ancient classroom, breathless and one minute late. I teach for 50 minutes and then I go to the bathroom in the ancient building because I have exactly 10 minutes to pump and can't make it to my office. So, I stand at the door where the outlet is and every time someone opens the door (busy bathroom this one) I get thumped on the back by the door. And there I stand while 18-year-old Freshman avoid eye contact as my pump screeches, "wicka, wicka, wicka, wicka." I try to think of waterfalls and comfort and my baby, but last time I only manage to squeeze out 3 ounces which isn't all together surprising considering the lack of comfort. This would be infinitely less embarrassing if I had to pump at TMCC with a diverse population of students rather than this cookie cutter corridor of college freshman probably watching me thinking that is a pretty good reason not to have children. One girl did talk to me which was crazy. Then I went in to teach my next class and 4 of the 6 girls who had gone to the bathroom were in it. When we did introductions and everyone stated their major, the girl that talked comfortably to me over the wicka of the pump was a OBGYN major... what a surprise :) So, I teach for another 75 minutes and then book it back to my car 1.5 miles away (and actually I'm grateful for the exercise, but again, I feel like I'm racing against time and I have to get there as soon as possible to feed my baby and relieve my dear sweet mom who has taken my children for me for almost 15 hours per week rather than the usual 6 which is a big difference). (and also mind you I am carrying a ridiculously heavy backpack, a pump, and in the mornings, a diaper bag and clothes for both kiddos). I race to her house, feed Kolton, pack up the kids and drive home. Then I feed Kolton another time and sit for roughly 30 minutes before I have to eat something to tide me over and head out again, this time to Mount Rose highway. So, I drive for 35 minutes, teach for 75 minutes and drive for 35 minutes again...slightly panicky, completely and utterly exhausted, where I feed the baby, feed myself, and then we get the kids ready for bed. So, throughout the week I teach for 12 hours and drive for 7. It's kinda a big deal.

So.. the silver lining: despite being anxious about the well being of my children (actually, let's get real, I know they're fine. I find myself more concerned about the well being of my mom. Is Kolton crying? Is he fussing? Is he sleeping? Is she gonna decide she doesn't want to do this after all? Is Xiana being a little sassy pants? etc etc etc.) Oh yeah, I forgot this is the silver lining part. Okay, instead of paying my entire paycheck to an impersonal daycare, I get to leave my kids with their grandma, and for part of the morning their grandpa. And that's pretty amazing. Also, I desperately needed 4 classes and the Lord provided me with them... despite the insane schedule. Plus, I get to nurse and feed my baby. I know that many working mothers have to abandon nursing as soon as they go back to work and I'm grateful that there is a way to continue feeding my little Kolton (and save a fortune in the process). Another bonus is that I now get to listen to many many books on cd so I can catch up on a lot of the books I've been too busy to read. And finally, I love my job. Like all jobs it has it's days and it's moments, but overall it is a rewarding, fulfilling job. On Wednesday I had a women in tears explaining how she just wasn't getting it and she was so frightened and overwhelmed and, like many of my adult students, hasn't written a paper in 10 years and feels so inadequate. I love being the person that teaches the tools of writing, but more importantly, builds confidence in the writers. I loved seeing her walk away after a long talk, visibly more relaxed, relieved, and determined. I love seeing the transformation in, not only the papers that are turned in, but my students' abilities and talents as well. So, chaotic yes, impossible no. Plus, I just keep thinking about that first semester back to school when Xiana was younger than Kolton. She was too far for me to be able to nurse between classes so I had to pump more than I nursed. Plus, she was in a day care and she was there for 40 hours per week, not 15. I know that it could be worse. I recognize that so many mothers have it so much harder than this, particularly single mothers or full time working mothers. While I complain about the schedule, and believe me I am feeling overwhelmed and exhausted (as evidenced by my messy house and stacks of laundry) I am still very grateful for my life. I wouldn't want to trade with anyone...well except for maybe.... just kidding!

Oh Lake Tahoe... how I've missed thee!

My job for our upcoming family reunion was to check out a beach at Tahoe...don't mind if I do. It is a city beach so there is a playground and grass and beach. It's pretty nice, but the sand doesn't hold a candle to sand harbor. Still, it was a lot of fun and some of my friends joined me making it even more fun!
Plus, there was a big tree on the grass which provided shade for little man the entire day. He was happy as a little clam in his tent on the grass in the shade. He is such an easygoing little guy. I just love him! Plus, Kristin held him for me for a bit while I took a dip... I love Lake Tahoe. Many complain of the chilly water, but I assure you, there is nothing like it in this universe.
the girls enjoyed splashing the ducks and playing in the dirt and rocks.
Also, with her water wings, Xiana has the ability to swim out with me and kick around. She's a pretty good sport about the cold water too.
Yay!!
An additional bonus was the play structure at this beach. However, it didn't seem to be nearly as alluring as the water because the kids spent approximately 15 minutes on it. Still, if you are a local, this would be a great place to go after you get off work which apparently many people have already discovered because right around 4:00 this beach filled up.
Kolton chilled, ate, slept, looked at the beautiful lake, and then started the pattern all over again.
Not only is this sand not as finely grated and soft as Sand Harbor, it is also much much dirtier. But like the kids would ever notice a thing like that. It was a fun filled Lake Tahoe day. The only disappointment was that it was my first time up of the summer. It's a little challenging with a new little pale baby, but next year we will be back to our normal Tahoe adventures. I'm grateful to have made it there before winter... very grateful.

Baby Einstein does it again

I still don't know why babies like baby Einstein so much, but they do and Kolton is loving him some baby Einstein time. I feel kind of guilty that I let him watch it, but at least it's classical music and designed for little ones.
Xiana loved them when she was little. She was so excited that I got them back out this week. Then, she said to me, "Mom, Baby Einstein is kinda boring." touche my dear, touche.

Crazy girl

Xiana is pretty convinced that she can do karate now. She attempts it quite regularly and tells you to check out her new Karate move.

• She continues to grow spiritually. One morning she came upstairs and it was early and Kolton was still sleeping so I told her to go do art. She didn't protest at all so I didn't think anything of it. A few minutes later I came downstairs to find her knelt in prayer crying. I asked what she was doing and she told me she was praying for someone to hang out with her. Poor sweet girl. Then, on Sunday I was late for a meeting and she was looking for her favorite bracelet. I didn't have time or patience and I got mad at her for crying and left. I was feeling bad about it at my meeting thinking that when we got home I would have to help her find it, hoping that it wasn't left at the rib cook off. When she arrived at church she was wearing it. I praised her and asked how she found it. She answered, "I prayed for Heavenly Father to help me find it and He showed me where it was." I'm so proud of her and her great faith. She is such a good example to me of believing and relying on God.


• I'm constantly amazed at her immense vocabulary. The other night I asked her if Kolton was asleep in the back seat. She said she didn't know because it was dark. A few seconds later she said, "he's awake because I just saw a reflection of light in his eyes." She constantly uses words I didn't know she knew and she listens to EVERYTHING....sometimes to my chagrin.


• The other day we were talking about how many bunnies there are in our backyard and she asked why. I was explaining to her that bunnies can have babies every 30 days and that they can have a large litter. She said, "ohhh, so they have lots of nurses that help deliver their babies."


• While playing with her male cousin they were arguing about a shape Xiana had cut out. She said, "it's a diamond." He replied, "it's a pontoon." Oh the difference between boys and girls.


• I took her to young women with me one night and she came to me excited asking, "did you know there was a cop here?" I did not know this and told her such. Later, when we were walking out the front door there was a scout leader in uniform at the entrance. Xiana proudly said, "see mom, I told you there was a cop."


• One day she assuredly told me, "mom, I'm obsessed with chuckar." Silly little girl.


• Somebody was yelling on the side of the street one day and she asked, "mom, is that under the law?"
  

She is wonderful. I love this girl.

Grass

Grass is not Kolton's favorite thing in the world, but he was a pretty good sport about it nevertheless. When Brian laid him down on the grass he lifted his head and legs so as to make as little contact with said grass as possible.
He is such a big boy. Here he is sitting in his bumbo at the ripe old age of 2 months!!
And sissy can't stand for the camera to be out without her in front of it. They are a lovely pair!

Tristin's birthday

Tristin's bday was at Jump man Jump again this year... though they forego-ed the dark room which was probably a smart idea given last years scary performance. Alicia's mom and Matt's grandpa couldn't get enough of little K-man.

I pretty much didn't see Xiana the entire time we were there. Fortunately she can get up and down all the bounce houses this year because I threw my back out that morning and would have been zero help to her if she needed me.
She's learning to hula hoop which is pretty cool. I once won tickets to a show by winning a hula hooping contest....
And I got a haircut by my amazingly talented sister in law Tosha. I absolutely love it!!!
The kids had a blast and the parents neglected them while they socialized in the corner... pure party success.
all the little ones with princess birthday girl at the top.
Present time and cake was also oh so successful... pretty hard to go wrong with presents and cake!

Family time

We really want to spend more time walking. We really like to walk as a family. I can't figure out why it doesn't happen more often. I always think it will be just around the corner... life will be less busy and we will be able to spend more time walking, and hanging.... some day. For now I am happy to be able to go on walks together whenever we do. We take the sit and stand and both kids chillax while Brian and I walk. It's nice. We look at the houses and the yards and dream about boats and rvs.
And when we go up hill I make Brian push the stroller
These two sure are darling little knuckleheads. They love each other already. When we drive Kolton laughs at sissy like nobody's business.
Look at little man. He is so strong and so stiff. Sometimes it's hard to get him to sit because he doesn't like to bend at all. He sure is handsome.

Playgroup at the farm!

Our ward has the best play group on earth! For one of our activities Natalie generously opened her farm to our kids. We did a potluck/water day there. It was darling. She set up little pools, umbrellas and blankets all over the grass. Then she had sprinklers going on the trampoline. The kids were in heaven.
I'm not convinced that any of the kids actually eat anything at these potlucks.. but they sure enjoy themselves.

One of Natalie's sons so kindly offered to take the kids for boat rides on the pond. Xiana was thrilled and asked immediately if she could ride. I told her yes and then forgot about it. I knew the rides had started, but also that there was a bit of a line and then... suddenly I realized she was already out there. I almost didn't get a picture!! Her son was so responsible helping all the kids get into life jackets before rowing them across the pond. Also, Xiana was thrilled to get to share a boat ride with one of her favorite friends, Emma!
Too cute!
There was literally a line for the entire afternoon. What a great service! The neat thing is he thought of it all on his own. He, like the rest of the family, is very considerate.
Natalie also set up sidewalk chalk and bubbles.
Plus, Melanie brought all of her toys she was getting rid of so we could take what we wanted which doubled as a kind of toy room outside. Pretty funny.
Like usual, we were some of the last to leave. The girls enjoyed the free swing/chair for a bit... then slept soundly for the afternoon.
And this little man smiled and smiled at all the pretty girls (we tend to have a girl dominant play group... this year at least).
And the little girls adored him. They all want their own baby and are quite jealous of Xiana. However, the majority of them are and always will be the baby in their families.
So they will just have to enjoy our baby! He looks fine with it.

This and that

And by this and that I mean this smile...

and that nap...This is how it works around here. Kolton can go directly from smiling and cooing and talking to snoozing. It's awfully sweet. I only wish I could somehow make him sleep when I want instead of when he wants... during the day that is. He continues to sleep well at night often giving me 10 hours at a time. Sometimes, however, he wakes twice a night and I grumble until I remember the sleepless nights of his sister's past. Then it doesn't seem quite so bad. He naps well during the day too... in his swing. This poses a particular problem because I am going back to work next week. So far I've gotten him to take two naps in his crib... we'll keep working on it. It's interesting. I keep reading Xiana's journal to see what her schedule was like, try to remember the baby stages, etc. I can't believe what a different child he is than she was. We are all truly and remarkably different... from birth on. It is testimony building to me to realize just how intricate God's children are. Also, my place in life is vastly different. I am apprehensive about going back to work and leaving this little bundle with Grandma, but that's the extent. When I went back to work when Xiana was a baby, I recall gnashing of teeth. I was gone about quadruple the amount of hours and she was going to daycare rather than to grandma and grandpa's house. It was so sad, and so hard. This is just moderately hard in comparison. I feel so blessed to have parents who live close and a mom willing to take the kids. Plus, what a relief it is to get to leave them with their daddy while I teach my night classes... truly a different life!
I took Xiana to the splash park which was closed. Fortunately, the water fountain at the park next door was broken. Xiana might have had more fun with it than at the splash park... and it was free! She has fun everywhere she goes.
We rented Rango and had a mommy daughter date one day (then a daddy daughter date with the same movie that night) and at the end she was listening to the music playing while the credits rolled. I went to turn it off and she said, "wait, I'm listening to the musical adventurement."

The other day she came up to me and said, "mom, I'm wondering. How do they get in our tvs and stuff?"

While looking at her phone she said, (in her best valley girl voice) "My phone doesn't even make sense. It says that Batla lost weight and I don't even know her. What are you saying? What the?" (while this is funny it is also a bit disconcerting)

In her prayer the other night she said, "thank you for grandma to have a soda." (It was a Sunday and mom and dad came over for dinner where she had a much needed Dr. Pepper :)

24th celebration!

This picture has nothing to do with the 24th of July. This is my new brother-in-law Larry. He is quite big. I think it's absolutely darling to see the startling difference in size between he and my little Kolton.
And now, for the 24th. We had a busy day meeting my mom for breakfast at IHOP and then helping her get the snow cone machines to the church. The girls were excited. I was too. The 24th celebration is something I always look forward to because I love to see everyone in the stake. As a child I was overly anxious to drink home made root beer, eat cotton candy, and throw balls to immerse people (such as the bishop) into the dunk tank. In past years many of these traditions have changed. Last year there was a breakfast and this year, snow cones and games.... at least that's what was supposed to happen.
A brief intermission to admire my standing-up boy. He's awfully cute with his little round, bald head!
So, that's what was supposed to happen. Unfortunately there was a major malfunction in the assignments for the wards, coupled with the last day of girls camp, resulting in an abysmal turnout.... like think 45 instead of 500. But, no worries. We ate our picnic, tried about 10 different flavors of snow cones, and the kids played on the grass.
Games like soccer and catch and keep away replaced traditional pioneer games and dances.
And what party can be complete without a little red rover red rover...
send Ekco right over!?!
Kolton hung out with daddy on a blanket.
And I watched the girls enjoy themselves and helped my mom out manning the snow cone machines which was hard work with the multitude of people ready for snow cones.... Brian I mean:)
Who seems to have made it through this evening with out a single picture...