Home Sweet Home

Despite the fact that I had a C-section and they typically want you to stay in the hospital for 3 nights... the doctor let me leave after 2. My doctor was off the day we were released so her colleague came and said that unless I said otherwise she would assume that I wanted to stay. I told her I wanted to leave and she said okay. There was one catch though... she didn't want my staples to come out until the next day which meant we had to take a trip back to Reno to get them removed. It was quite painful but.... every little bit was worth being home in my own bed. Brian continued to be a great help getting Kolton for me when he cried in the night. The strangest thing happened though.... he didn't get up very much in the night. He continues to be an excellent sleeper waking only once in the night. He has slept as many as 7 hours at one time. Usually he sleeps about 5 and then another 3. Instead of having a newborn it's like having a 5 month old! I feel like we can tackle just about anything if he continues to sleep this way. Sleep deprivation is the hardest part of newborns... apparently he didn't get the memo and for that I am grateful! Xiana had a cold so she was somewhat quarantined for the first week which was a little rough for her. We did let her hold him his first night home. In addition to being a great sleeper, he has a very sweet disposition. He rarely gets fussy or cries... unless he wants to nurse and mommy isn't cooperating. We just had his 2 week check up and he weighed 6lb 10 oz which is such a relief for me. It is such a leap of faith to breast feed. Even though he has had plenty of diapers it is still such a frightening thing not to know how much he is actually eating. I found myself reading nursing websites around the clock for the first week. But... no worries he is growing and doing great.
These little monkey jammies were picked out by big sissy Ekco and they fit him better than anything else... the little monkey!
I had to snap a shot when he did cry just for proof that he isn't always sleeping or eating.
He does have a proud papa!!! They are buddies already. All in all he fits pretty well in this family... almost like he was supposed to be with us ; )
Brian was able to get 9 weeks of paid leave from work... but I don't think he's gonna last that long. In fact, he is already talking about going back. The first week I didn't think I was ever going to heal and perhaps would never let him return to work. But... now it's been two weeks and I'm feeling pretty close to normal. I am a little sore still, but the human body is an amazing thing.
Especially when you consider those tiny little bodies... how right at the gate they just work. Their tiny little hearts beat, their tiny little joints and muscles bend and move. They are born with the instinct to root. They know right away what will keep them alive. It's remarkable. And the love that we instantly feel for them is pretty spectacular too.
Xiana had her little babies all wrapped up continuously. I guess she figured that if she couldn't touch the real baby she would replace him. She was very sweet caring for her little ones. The first week was pretty hard for her, but now she seems very well adjusted. When I had a conversation with her about what was hard she said that the hardest thing was not being able to kiss her brother... I agreed. But... finally her cold is gone and she can kiss him to her heart's content making the whole lot of us happier.
He is a sweet baby with a sweet face and a sweet body and a sweet little personality.
I can't believe how much Andersen he is... perhaps as he grows he will become more Frey. I really thought that my genes were dominant but the Andersen gene is strong.
This was his first excursion outdoors... you'd think in May it would be warm enough for us to hang outside... but you would be wrong. It was a stormy day on his birthday and hasn't been much nicer since.
Wait a second... this is backwards!
One thing I love the very most about newborns is kissing their sweet cheeks. I love how they root and as soon as you plant one on them they turn their faces for a full mouth opened kiss. I love how he looks at me, and looks around like everything is such a new experience... I guess because it is. I love how he trusts us implicitly. I love how his arms flail in the air. I love how he grunts and tries to escape the swaddle at night fighting his arms being tied down for about 20 minutes before he gives up realizing his arms are prisoners because the mean mommy knows how much trouble they can get him into. I love how he coos and gurgles and keeps his tiny little legs straight as a board the whole time he's nursing. I love how he doesn't like to be messed with and how his neck is already so strong. He is strong in general and is pretty successful at fighting diaper changes. I love his little fingers and toes and his perfectly shaped head, and his perfectly shaped ears. I love him.
I think we'll keep him....

Kolton James Andersen

I am a planner. I plan everything. I can't help it... it's just the way I am. So... I strategically planned when to have a baby so that I could be off for the summer with the little tyke. Everything went according to plan until.... on Cinco De Mayo my blood pressure spiked. So, my doctor sent me to the hospital for fetal stress tests. Everything with the baby was fine. But here's the thing about high blood pressure... being in a hospital room attached to machines and monitors by yourself isn't conducive to bringing said blood pressure back down. I only needed to make it 5 more days. For a moment there it looked like Kolton was going to go ahead and come early making finals and final grades a tad bit tricky but... I was able to leave, put on bed rest, and only had to cancel one class. The following week AFTER I posted grades, my bp spiked again so... on Friday the 13th of May (my nephew's birthday), Brian and I went to the hospital to have this little guy. Apparently he had some planning of his own. We got there 2 hours early ready for a wait. My nurse was doing her orientation and shook so badly it's a miracle my iv worked. She was very friendly though and she and another nurse got me going on ivs and getting things ready for surgery. They came in to let us know that we got bumped and it was going to be an extra half an hour. We were kind of bummed because nothing is worse than the waiting part. Then they came in a few minutes later and said, "nevermind, we are going into surgery in 15 minutes." We were grateful. Brian was ready to meet his son.

And so was I...
The prep and surgery were a little different than they had been with Xiana but I guess that's to be expected. There is something so futuristic about going into a room with tables and massive lights and listening while doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologists count instruments and devices. They hang a curtain so you can't see what's going on... and after the crazy spinal I got I certainly couldn't feel anything.
You wait for a few minutes hearing scraping noises and the smell of burnt flesh while they cauterize the incisions and suddenly....
Without feeling or seeing a thing...
You hear a sweet little baby cry. I cried when Xiana was born and the only person who acknowledged me was the anesthesiologist. He asked, "those are tears of joy right?" This time I thought I was beyond that but... the second I heard that sweet noise, I began to cry.
Of course by this time daddy and half the nurses were over with Kolton. The focus in the room had shifted so, once again, the anesthesiologist got me some tissues for my tears. It's kind of funny. Thank goodness they have to pay attention :)
Kolton James Andersen weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz and was 20 inches long. We were both immediately surprised at how small he was. We had wagered more along the lines of 7 and 1/2. I guess I just make small babies... I couldn't believe how much he looked like Xiana. It was such an instant flashback to the day she was born. His little body was almost the same size as hers and his face, though distinctly more masculine, was so similar it reminded me exactly how she looked the moment she was born.
C-sections are different. This is our first family shot :0
He is such a cute little guy and he has also been a very good baby. I can't believe how lucky we are to have such a wonderful little sleeper. Plus, so far his disposition is sweet and mellow.
He looks around with those big eyes in his tiny little face and it absolutely melts your heart. I was in a significant amount of pain this time around. I'm not sure why it hurt so much more than my last c-section, but all I have to do is look at this little face and it makes it all worth it.
Even his little frowny face is adorable.
Then he got to meet big sissy and she was over the moon... for a minute. Then she really wanted to leave the boring hospital so that she could make it to her princess party. I'm very grateful to my parents for keeping Xiana for the weekend and getting her to her party. I think it made all the difference to a little girl whose world is in the process of unraveling to reveal an entirely new and unfamiliar one. Grandpa snuggles were mandatory for this particular weekend.
I still couldn't get over how much he looked like her until... his other big sissy walked in and then... I couldn't get over how much he looked like her. Like Xiana, Ekco was a bit hesitant at first. She didn't want to hold him and seemed apprehensive at best. But it didn't take long for her to want nothing but to hold him and to be near him. She started out lukewarm and left elated. It is a lot to take in I know. I remember when my little brother was born. I was thrilled at the prospect of him... the actuality was less than stellar. It's a big transition for both the girls.
Still it's obvious that they love him.
Just as much as we do... (well maybe not quite as much :)
Child birth is such a surreal thing. There are so many hormones and emotions and things running through your mind. I find it's hard to articulate those moments for some time... maybe you can't ever really describe what it is to walk into a hospital as one person and come out as two.
This sweet boy is certainly loved. We had visitors galore. My parents and, of course, the girls came. Then Jeff, Tyson, Mark, Tosh, Ella, and Rowan, Kevin and Kylee visited. Ali and Larry came in the evening as did Kacie.
And we were overjoyed. Tired and scared, but overjoyed.
And the kids swarmed him and loved him.
And I was soo very ecstatic to meet my son. Wow, even the words my son seem so strange as I sit here a week later typing them... my son. And what's more I got to meet this guy all over again.... his daddy. Brian was so cute with him and as soon as he was born told him, "hey buddy, I've got big plans for you." This made me chuckle because I know it's true. Brian really stepped up to the plate. Words simply cannot express how wonderful this experience was with him by my side. I haven't been able to think about it without tears coming to my eyes. I repeatedly felt that this is why the Lord wants us to be families... so that we can help each other through and share in these magnificent moments. It was so incredibly much easier this time around than last. Brian stayed both nights at the hospital with me which was so comforting. With the pain of my incision it was really hard with Xiana to get up and down a million times in the night. With Kolton, when he fussed, Brian got up and handed him to me. It was amazing and truly so much less stressful or challenging. Even if Brian can't do the feeding or the late nights for me, just having him there with me made all the difference. This pregnancy I was really excited at the beginning, but as we got closer to our due date I started to feel ambivalent. Then I felt guilty that I felt ambivalent. But I just couldn't help but be so frightened at how hard it is to have a new baby; how scary everything is; how lonely it can be. Then, we had him. And it is still scary, but not lonely. It is still worrisome, but I have Brian to bounce ideas off of or turn to for emotional support. I swear I feel like I met a new guy that weekend. He became the mister mom, take-care-of-me, proud papa and for that, I am eternally grateful.
Aunt Ali loves him already. Tyson said, "man you guys got an awesome baby."
And by day two I was up and walking.
And we were once again... a family.
Two big sisters and one little brother meeting each other again. I can hardly wait for all the experiences and life they are going to share.
Xiana's highlight of the weekend was definitely getting to feed brother a bottle. Unfortunately that was the last time since she has had a cold ever since. We have repeatedly reassured her that there will be many bottles in his future. (but hopefully they won't be formula ones like this was) And as it turns out, my genes must not be that strong because he is, without a doubt... an Andersen
And an amazingly sweet little Andersen at that.
Fortunately they let us leave the hospital after only 2 nights. I can't stand staying in the hospital and even when the doctor told me that I would have to come back the next day to get my staples out... it was worth it! Although I will say, we delivered at Saint Mary's and all the nurses and doctors were wonderful. We really had a pleasant experience there. At the end of the day though, it's still a hospital and we were thrilled to sleep in our own bed.

Kolton's room

Kolton's room was finished right in the nick of time. No sooner did Brian bring in the crib than we actually had the baby. Of course it will be some time before he actually sleeps in the crib but... it feels great to have it completed. I'm really happy with the way the paint turned out. Originally I wanted to do the walls yellow and blue but Brian objected on the argument that it was too girly... we compromised on all blued wall with some yellow stenciling. Kacie found star sheets and he already had star blankets so voila!
Complete!
Pre-assembled with every toy a little boy might possible need.
And then some...

Mother's Day

This was my first Mother's day present... in October of 2007. Shortly after I found myself pregnant with her, Mothers' Day rolled around and Danny got me a card. I was emotional and remember being quite touched and overwhelmed by the fact that I would, indeed be celebrating Mother's Day from here on out.
This year, on bed rest with my latest Mother's Day gift, Xiana planted some flowers for me.
And has faithfully watered them daily since.
And Brian purchased these beauties in red yellow and orange to plant in front of the house.
Right here... and has also diligently watered them since (and brought them in and out as weather dictates).
So this Mother's Day was filled with an array of beautiful sights and smells.
And a luxurious steak and shrimp dinner with fruit dipped in chocolate for dessert. I felt pampered and loved... and swollen and tired... all at the same time! Being in that state I couldn't help but reflect on what it really means to be a mother. I had been feeling extremely guilty for the amount of time I was letting Xiana watch tv... especially in the later months when I was feeling tired and then forced to watch a lot of tv. I was also feeling terrible about my lack of patience, my inability to find fun projects to do, and my all around lack of mother-ly-ness. Then it occurred to me that those feelings are just part of motherhood. When Xiana was born I remember someone trying to explain to me the "mom guilt" that is an instantaneous emotion upon delivering a child. What am I doing wrong, not doing at all, how am I hurting, not offering the very best, the list goes on and on of how we, as mothers, torture ourselves racked with guilt over our actions, thoughts, and lack of actions and thoughts. And it's true... I know well now that her words were wise and there is such a thing as this mom-guilt. But... I also know that there is another emotion felt instantaneously upon delivery of a child and that is love. Because of that love we do all we can to make their lives perfect, wonderful, better than our own. We torment ourselves with guilt when we feel we have somehow robbed them of something when in reality, just being their mothers is the greatest and most loving gift we could ever offer them. We lay awake wondering how we can be better, but forgetting that we ARE trying to be better. That it (they) matter enough to us for us to think of new techniques, strategies, disciplines, that will be better received, more effective, or simply more loving. We drop to our knees and plead with our father in heaven for guidance on how to be the best mothers we can be and how to do our jobs to our greatest potential. And every day we fail... but every single solitary day we also succeed. And that is what it means to be a mother.