Halloween on and on and on and on

In the land of Lenaya, holidays last for a long time. Generally speaking, I plan numerous parties/ events/ activities for every birthday and holiday. As a result, I think my poor daughter is quite confused about how holidays work in this world. For Halloween we went trunk or treating on Thursday. Then, on Friday we went to a birthday/costume party. Here she is with her little friend on the swings... I know, you don't even have to say it. They. are. so. cute!
Here's the whole crew at the bday bash that was a ton of fun. The days of having kids over to open presents and eat cake are over for my generation. It is not sufficient to send the kids out to entertain themselves as it was in years gone by. No, instead you must plan several activities, games, and refreshments. I'm telling you. It's enough to subscribe to my sister's school of thought: parties every other year, and only after the age of 6! But once again, I digress. There was ring toss, face painting, bounce house, trampoline, donuts on strings, gummy worms in whipped cream, and cake. Needless to say Xiana had a blast.
Mackenzie is one of Xiana's favorite friends. Xiana asks for her all the time. It's funny because her sister is exactly the same age as Xiana (and they play together nicely too) but Xiana has deemed herself the pal of the older sister. It probably has something to do with the fact that she has taken to telling everyone that she is five. If you argue with her she gets mad and insists that she is, indeed, five.
Later that night we went to another trunk or treat at the church. There were all kinds of games like bowling and fishing and she got to make a jack-o-lantern face too.
She ran around with her friends in the ward (please notice the age of the girls she flocks to... :)
I was a gypsy... Kate was a belly dancer, but if you ask me, we are kindred Gypsy sisters.
It's a little dark so you can't see this costume as well as I wished. It might be the cutest witch costume I have ever seen!
This picture is taken right after a necklace altercation was averted.
And then on Saturday we woke up and... surprise! more parties and more trick-or-treating! So we went to Alicia's house for another Halloween party. Here are the girls in Tristin's Tinkerbell room which is darling. I am jealous for Xiana!
They got to make their own personal pizzas which Xiana took great care in doing. Additionally, she ate every last bite of her creation which was encouraging to me after and before the gobs and gobs of candy.
These pumpkins blow bubbles. Xiana pondered that for a moment.
Then we went Trick-or-treating in and old neighborhood in Reno that goes all out for the decorations. It was great. Xiana kept asking me, "scary house or nice house?" But she wasn't at all intimidated by the spooky arrangements. Perhaps that has something to do with the fact that I carried her 85 percent of the night.
I think this house was my favorite of the night. They had an entire cemetery and numerous ghosts and giant monsters. It was awesome!
Here are the Flinstones. I was surprised to find out the many kids did not know who the Flinstones were. I also saw a young boy dressed as Freddy Crougar. Xiana asked, "what's that?" And I said, "it's a scary guy from a movie that most kids don't know about anymore and probably wouldn't find scary if they did." "Oh" she replied. The parents of the kid were within earshot and they laughed.
Then we came back to our neck of the woods and continued trick-or-treating with Kate and Nikki until most lights were turned off.
My dad joined us too and was delighted to see his fearless granddaughter march up the steps, knock on the door and exclaim, "trick or treat" and "thank you" I was pretty tired when we got home and Xiana was pretty wound up, but all in all I would say this was a very successful Halloween. She even got a wonderful book and some money and toys. What a fun holiday. The next day it took some serious convincing on my part that we could not go trick-or-treating again until next year.

Pumpkin Patch

I've never been to the pumpkin patch before so when a friend of mine invited me I enthusiastically agreed. We were going to meet there, but then it got cold. really cold. snowing cold. And she has a baby who had just been sick so she decided to be prudent and cancel. However, I was gung ho (plus I had already promised Xiana repeatedly) so I went. And it was closed. So I called my other friend and woke her up and made her look on her computer to direct me to another pumpkin patch. Which we found after about 30 minutes of driving (okay napping for Xiana so it was fine, but still). Then we braved the snow flurries and bought some tickets (none of which we used because apparently it was too cold for the helping hands and nobody was collecting tickets for anything, but I digress). It was really quite fun. There was a petting zoo. Xiana was excited to see the ducks and cows (and actually told me later in the week "two cows eat pumpkin" which was absolutely true) but she was intimidated by actually petting in the petting zoo. Instead she wanted to look from the safe distance of my arms while I pet the animals. Although I can't say I completely blame her because the goat was getting awfully fresh for just meeting us. I tried to explain to her that he was just kissing when he licked, but as I was speaking he was attempting to eat my belt. So... I held her and exclaimed over how neat all the animals were (especially the little pig, but he was gross dirty so I'm glad she didn't want to touch him).
She got to ride the train which was pretty cool according to my 2-year-old. There were also a ton of bounce houses that we spent the majority of our time on.
And I made her pose in the corn maze that wasn't entirely complicated. In fact, it more or less resembled a square with corn. It's a good thing they weren't collecting tickets because I would have been sorely disappointed if I had paid 5 tickets for that poor excuse for a maze. Still, they didn't so I wasn't disappointed in the least.
Here she is picking up pumpkins. I told her they were too heavy to carry around and we would get back to them. This will become more comical in just a moment.
Yeah, they're pretty much as big as she is...great photo op though.
She got to ride a pony for about 2.5 seconds before she said, "I off pony." Again, what relief that it didn't cost me the 3 bucks it was advertised as.
After we left we met up with Kacie for lunch and u-swirl (which is kind of a yogurtland knock off that isn't quite as good, but it will suffice for lack of the true yogurtland) which just so happened to be right across the street from this pumpkin patch that was in Egypt. So it was perfect. We got in the car and drove to Q Doba and Xiana said, "hey... my pumpkin." At which time I realized that I had taken her all the way across town to the pumpkin patch and had left pumpkin-less. Silly me. So, we ate frozen yogurt and then my friend who I was originally supposed to go with called to let me know that she was now coming to this pumpkin patch so... we went back. And her husband pulled the kids around in a pumpkin cart which they thought was pretty exciting.
And we gave her our 10 unused tickets (which I forgot to ask if she used), and we got a pumpkin and went home utterly satisfied with ourselves for our first and very successful trip to the pumpkin patch. What fun!

To binky... or not to binky...

That is the question. For several months now I have been prepping Xiana for her birthday. In exchange for a swimming party, family and friends, birthday presents, and cake, she has to give her binkies to the babies. I have explained to her on a very regular basis that once she is 2, she is a big girl and will no longer need a binky like a baby. She definitely understood this concept, though I'm not convinced she was entirely on board. The day arrived and she was fine. For a long time now she has only had her binky in her bed and in the car. But in those places, she is hooked! Just like when I made her cry it out for the first time, I agonized about this decision. I felt so guilty taking such a comfort away from her. Like crying it out, it went far more smoothly than I feared. So far, the thought of changes has been far more excruciating than the execution. When I made her cry it out, I feared and fretted and was consumed with guilt and sadness. The first night she cried for an hour, slept till morning, and then never cried again. With her binky she asked for it the first night. I told her it was the baby's now. She cried for about 1 minute and then slept till morning. The next day in the car she whined for it for about 2 minutes and not since. So, silly mommy, give the girl a little credit and stop worrying about things that she is oh-so-capable-of. So, I now have a binky-free two-year-old. The only downfall is that she talks incessantly when we drive now making it impossible for me to listen to books on cd when she is in the car. I'll take it!

Cupcakes!!

Halloween cupcakes are such fun! Kacie (in an afterthought :) invited us to come decorate cupcakes at her house. She is so domestic! I would have purchased some frosting and sprinkles. Not Kacie... she dyed all different colors of frosting and had: bones, tombs, bats, bugs, candy corns, skulls and cross bones, and sprinkles galore. It was delicious!
Less than decorating, Xiana stuck her fingers in the candies and sprinkles making a big mess. She also poured about a handful of sprinkles on 2 cupcakes. She's still a little small for this, but had fun. (at the expense of Kacie's carpet...sorry Kacie!)
These kids were so creative. They made such adorable cupcakes. I felt a little inadequate :)

The nice thing is... when you wake up... it will still be your birthday.

We had Xiana's birthday party the day before her actual birthday. That night, before she went to bed, my mom said, "the nice thing about today, Xiana, is that when you wake up it will still be your birthday." Xiana emphatically replied, "yeah." We better be careful here; she might start thinking that it's her birthday every day. My parents and I saved our gifts for Sunday. I got her a Disney Princess kitchen and my parents got her a VERY wide assortment of plastic food. She would have been in heaven regardless, but having her cousins here to help her play house was so much better. They played and played and played.
I must have been served 46 courses throughout the day.
Xiana really seemed like a big girl. For the first time she was able to truly run and play with her older cousins. They played hide and seek, and legos, and all sorts of imaginative games. She is a star!
She got a do-over in the candle department and very easily blew out both of her birthday candles.


Here they are hiding....not very sneaky I know!
This is one of Xiana's birthday gifts...her very own chair. Well, almost her very own. She might have to contend with the cat from time to time.
She and Nicole spent a lot of time on grandpa's lap with books. I love our life and am so happy to have family. I know there are a lot of people in this world far less fortunate than me and Xiana. I am truly thankful.

Birthday Party

My mom had the excellent idea this year to have Xiana's birthday party at the community pool. After all, Xiana's favorite thing to do is swim.... that and with a house full of guests my mom was none too thrilled at the prospect of having dozens of children tearing through the place with cake. So I made a reservation at Alf Sorensen and arranged to have her party there. I'd say my mom is a genius. It was the perfect place! It was inexpensive. They did all the decorating, cleaning up, and the party bags, and the kids got to swim as their activity which meant I didn't have to plan or execute any games. It was great! Here is Kacie and Kim upon arrival. They spoiled Xiana rotten!
Here is a pretty good shot encompassing the environment. There were 16 kids and probably as many adults. It was right down to the wire with the guest list as swine flu erupted in my ward. There were a lot of tentative yes-es and then definite no's, but in the end, most everybody got to come and Xiana was thrilled. Larissa and Xiana share a birthday so it was especially nice that she and her family got to be here. All week Xiana said, "my cousins come to my birthday party." She was ecstatic to see them.
Brian is so sweet that he drove all the way to Battle Mountain... and then all the way back so that Ekco could come to the birthday party. Xiana repeatedly asked for her to come and I never dared commit. This was a really nice surprise.
I thought it would be a piece of cake for Xiana to blow out the candles as she has had a bit of practice recently but...
She needed a little mommy help.
I can't believe how utterly spoiled she is. Her loot makes a formidable presence in my parent's house. In fact, she got so many presents that I had to keep half of them boxed and bagged up so that they can make appearances at a point when they will be noticed. Thanks so much to everyone. You were all way too generous!
Of course, just as Morgan wrote, Xiana really wanted to just play with any of the presents. She had little interest in opening them all without being able to truly open any. I think I like Morgan's idea of not doing the present thing until they get older.... but it sure makes it nice for me not to have to buy her anything :)
I guess Brian didn't get the memo that at a 2-year-old's princess party, you are supposed to wear pink! :)
I'd say she looks pretty content.
And her birthday wouldn't have been complete without a guest appearance by her uncle Garrett.
Next we headed out to the pool area which was chaos. But first.... my dad and I both donated blood the morning of the party. In fact, my dad organized and overlooked said blood drive. Interestingly enough, he made the wise decision not to consume any H2O over the course of the morning and afternoon. After most of the party had moved to the pool, a few stragglers stood behind cleaning up and taking presents out to the car. I noticed my dad sitting in the corner with a very unpleasant look on his face. For those of you who know my dad, you know that this is about as common as snow in August. I went over to ask what was wrong and he said he wasn't feeling well. Larissa sat next to him and held his head up and we chuckled at the fact that he was going to pass out. I went to get him some water, but by the time I returned... he was out. It was really hot in the room and he had donated blood that morning so we didn't really worry about it until... he passed out again, and again. He couldn't maintain consciousness and he was shaking a bit. Both of the 2 nurses at the party (I know, I plan for everything :) said that we should call an ambulance so I did. Actually, the situation remained quite comical. Although we were worried about his welfare, it was more a cautionary measure than anything else. While I was speaking with the operator he regained consciousness and humorously corrected my answers to questions. Into the phone I said, "he's 60" and he painstakingly muttered, "tell her I'm a very young 60." Then I said, "he has high blood pressure," to which he interjected, "but I take the lowest dosage." His funniest response will not be included in this post as I have been sworn to secrecy, but suffice it to say that we were all laughing hysterically. The poor operator probably had no idea whether I was serious or not as I couldn't contain my chuckles and the background was giggles galore. Still, she must have believed me because a firetruck did show up. I took Xiana swimming then and wasn't around for the rest of the excitement, but I'm told they couldn't get his blood pressure so they took him to the hospital. There he had a dark humored doctor that he found entertaining. She asked him whether he recommended to blood donors the same steps he had taken. She also commented on how ironic it would be to have to give him a blood transfusion. In the end she deducted that he was extremely dehydrated. We claim that he was jealous of Xiana getting all the attention. I'm grateful that he was okay, but feel bad that he had to spend the rest of the party in the ER. But..... the party was a success nevertheless.
The kids got to run and jump and scream and swim and play and laugh and do everything that every group of children should get to do every day.
All of Xiana's best friends got to be there and it. was. ridiculously. fun.

Everything went off without a hitch (well okay, so there were a few hitches, but still a blast). Even though it was so wonderful to be surrounded by family and friends and it was a birthday I will always cherish, I couldn't help but feel a tiny bit melancholy for all her/my friends in Vegas and elsewhere. There were a lot of ghosts present at her party and I know that many thoughts were turned to her this day. Thanks to everyone who did, and who did not make it this year. We love and thank you all!

This Year...

It's hard to believe that 2 years have passed since the birth of my little girl. I know it's cliche, but I feel like I blinked and it was two years later. In posting my last two blogs I found myself waxing nostalgic about the huge changes of the past two years. For one thing, of the 15 or so friends that came to the hospital the day of Xiana's birth, only 2 still remain in Vegas. These last 2 years were years of great change.... for everyone. 3 years ago when we were all running around being crazy, we would have never believed what the coming years would bring. In a lot of respects it's a good thing we didn't know because if we had, we might have turned and run away. Several breakups catapulted friends away from Vegas. Others followed budding romances...some lasted, some did not. Job losses, job gains, identity losses, identity gains, further education, deaths, and near-death experiences were responsible for many moves. A lost battle with cancer is the most recent culprit of change in the face of friends made and lost. I guess that every year brings new experiences and new farewells. Five months ago, Xiana and I left the only home she had ever known and moved in with my parents in Sparks. She has always been a happy little girl, but I dare say that since our arrival, her contentment has risen to a new level. She adores her grandma and grandpa and Uncle Garrett. She loves the house she has finally deemed, "mine's house," and she loves having her mommy around to play with her about 3 times as much as the first 18 months of her life. She is so smart and observant. I am constantly amazed at just how much personality a tiny little girl can have. She is the most social creature I have ever seen. She is already feisty and passionate. She is indignant when people don't pay attention to her. If somebody dares not comment on how adorable she is, she makes a scene as if to say, "did you see me? I'm right here. I didn't hear a compliment. Is something wrong with you?" Like her mother, she thrives on optimism. She is cranky sometimes, like any 2-year-old, but she seems to enjoy life. She is cheerful and kind. She is concerned about others, particularly when they are sad. She brings joy to those around her. She is conscientious of the spirit and points Jesus out to me everywhere we go. She is fiercely independent and doesn't skip a beat with bigger kids. She is completely sure of herself and is insistent in her request for equality. She doesn't want anything different than what everybody else has, which often means the "big one." As I read through those blogs I wrote 2 years ago, I tried to ask myself if the goals I had set forth for her and myself were being accomplished. I am confident that I am doing my best to ensure that they are. But what's more, so far, everything I hoped she would be... she is. She is brave, lovely, happy, and intelligent. She is kind and vivacious and confident. I recognize that she is only 2 and there is a lot of life ahead of her, but so far, I can't say that I have a single complaint. Xiana is exactly 100 percent everything that I would make her if I had the ability to create the most perfect, complimentary child for me. Happy Birthday Xiana! I look forward to all the years in your beautiful future.

One Year Ago...

Nov 20th, 2008

Birthdays in Las Vegas

A couple of months ago Danny urged me to write another blog about where I am now. It had been a year since the last and what better time than Xiana's first birthday? While I agreed with his idea, nothing quite spoke to me (and I never had time to dig for the thoughts I needed). Then, today, he said to me, "Happy Birthday, this is the 4^th birthday I've known you for." This spoke to me…. Rather than writing an update on the last year, I found myself pondering the implications of the years past for me (before and after Xiana). It's not that it has been so long, it is simply that things are so different. So, on my birthday, today, I am chronicling my 4 birthdays in Vegas. These speak measures about…well… me!

First Birthday in Vegas: I had only been here for a few months and didn't know very many people. I was working at House of Blues and Chevys at the time and, let's be frank, despising both. I was scheduled to work at Chevys that night, but one of the servers (I honestly don't remember her name) offered to work for me since it was, after all, my birthday. As luck would have it, it was another Chevys employee's birthday as well so there were plans for a big bash at the Peppermill. Like typical Lenaya, I jumped on that party train in a heart beat. First, I met at a bar with Mona (one of my only friends here in LV at the time) had drinks and dinner with her and then went to the Peppermill. That was the first and last time I have been there. I don't know why. It was so comfortable as it is EXACTLY the same as the one in Reno. I really had to keep reminding myself that I was not in Kansas anymore. I partied the night away with a whole bunch of nameless people. We ordered drinks, danced (truly, that's how drunk I was), and many of them tried to teach me Spanish. All in all, it was a fun night. Still, at the end, on my way home, I found myself feeling homesick and all alone. I went to my little one bedroom apartment, and slept on the blow up mattress on the floor that I was using for a couch in front of the TV. That was my first birthday in Las Vegas.

Second Birthday in Sin City: Jump ahead a year and I have made close, lasting friendships. Not only that, but Bobby and Toby now live here. On this birthday Danny, Sarah, Wendy, and Mike show up at my place (still my little one bedroom apt. that is so full of memories the new occupants can probably hear the walls speak) with all kinds of goodies. For one thing, a Sparks cake. Yes, the energy beer that I was a walking commercial for forever! An exact replica of a sparks can (which had also been my Halloween costume a month earlier). They also gave me a Courtney Love diary book, and a lazy susan stocked, and I mean stocked, with every condiment you could ever imagine (they had learned so much about me in a year). Thanks guys, really, that was so awesome! Sooo, we headed to Rum Jungle where we met up with the rest of my peeps including Mona (hasn't missed a Vegas Birthday yet) and Bobby (proved to be my sanity that night… and chauffeur). The next day Fawn and Miss Jackson were telling me all kinds of stories that I positively do not remember. Actually, I will admit there is a whole lot about that night that I don't remember…my coming of age has been a long process. While I had a good time and was so pleased at the turnout of all the people I care about coming to wish me a happy day, I was unsettled. When I look back at this time in my life, I feel as if I should have known something big was coming. When I go back and read my journal from these months, it is so telling of someone lost, searching for something else. I do remember feeling discontent and hopeless, but ambivalent about my hapless circumstance. I was wasted constantly and life felt meaningless. Here I was, 27 yrs old…the number I had always thought of as the number of extremes, the number where either something really great, or really terrible was going to happen… so it did, so it did!

Birthday three in the land of the living: This birthday might prove to be my most memorable birthday, not due to what I did, but to how I felt. I had a 4 week old Xiana, and I was still so scared. I went to sushi with Mona, Danny, Sarah, Wendy, Mike, Stacie, and Tiffany. It was delicious and so much fun to see everyone. Mona wrote my card from Xiana and it made me cry (it wasn't hard to make me cry those days) and everyone really pulled together on my behalf. It was great to get out of the house, but I was tired, and probably still experiencing some baby blues. Xiana was crying and I didn't have my nifty cover to nurse her. As soon as we got to the restaurant she had a big blow out in her white pants. I laughed about it…and truly thought it was funny. Again, I had a wonderful time, but I hadn't gotten past the guilty mother stage yet and when Xiana screamed the whole way home, I felt like a bad bad mom. At the restaurant Danny and Mona took Xiana (and looked like her real parents) and pacified her while I ate, but by the time dessert came, it was time for her to eat and it was all I could do not to run out the door. Still, I hope this doesn't sound like complaint because it really was wonderful! I was just still so scared and irrational in those days…what a far way I've come! No longer worrying about my next bottle, I was overcome with concern for my new sweet baby. I was frightened and nervous, and excited and in love all at the same time. People were still taking turns holding her while I took naps (remember those days guys?) Thanks so much! I couldn't have done it without you all. No longer homesick for friends, I wanted my family! Xiana was hardly sleeping at all and I latched on to every word of encouragement from every single person who gave me some! The next night I went to dinner with Toby and Bobby and opted to go to CoCo's because it was close and easy. I knew I didn't want to take very long because I didn't want to feel guilty again. We went to eat and Xiana slept peacefully in her car seat the entire time. There was a table next to us with a 6-month-old boy. He was so enormous and seemed so old, all three of us marveled at the prospect of Xiana being that big in 5 more months. I guess we can keep marveling because she is nowhere near the size of that kid. We went home to my 2 bedroom "home" no longer a crash pad or party house, but a genuine home! I wish I had the words to convey how very strange it all was a year ago… but there just aren't words to describe what only experience knows.

Birthday four in Southern NV: Today I went to breakfast with Annie and Aubrey and Debbie (and kids). These are some of my many friends from church as I am extremely active now. No more bars to meet up, Sunday school instead! We usually go walking but opted for IHOP today instead. I ditched school and went shopping for some new books for Xiana. A year ago I couldn't fathom going back to school. Now I am teaching, taking classes, and graduating in May…seriously hard to believe! Anyway…new books-- She wants to read the same ones over and over and I am getting really tired of them so it really is a gift to me to buy her new books. Then we came home and played for a while. When she went down for her nap, I took a shower (last year Christine came over and held her while I showered) and did some reading for school. She woke up from her nap and we played some more and got things ready for dinner for her and her babysitter Maryann (who is oh so wonderful!) After her sitter arrived, I headed to Bobby's and we had sushi and then went to the show Toby works on "Legends." Dinner was delicious and the show was really fun. I drank a virgin pina colada, and Bobby had a mai tai. Toby had Elvis wish me a happy birthday on stage, so I guess my Vegas experience is complete… It was really nice to be out without Xiana, especially knowing she was in such good hands. We checked out the dancers, clapped and talked and really had a wonderful time. About half way through the show I realized that I still exist. I still have thoughts, and feelings, and experiences aside from school and mom. I think moms often lose their identities when they become moms because you never get to take that hat off. So closely is your job description tied to who you are, that sometimes they feel inextricable. Alas, I am still Lenaya, a mom, and everything else. Sometimes taking a night off is the only thing that reminds you of that. I had a wonderful time tonight and look forward to doing it again sometime. But at the end of the night, I came home, paid Maryann, and then peeked my head in at my sleeping, independent, beautiful baby and thought about how I had missed her tonight and how grateful I am to be her mom. On Sunday I am doing the big birthday dinner at Cheesecake Factory and it will be a blast! I will miss Sarah and Danny and Miss Jackson, and all the Vegas casualties that I am thankful for in my memories and future. What a different life I would be living were it not for all of you! Xiana will probably run around and be the social butterfly that she is. I won't have to feel like a bad mom, and when she cries at the end of the night, I will know that she had a great time and is ready for bed. I won't feel like I've done something wrong, for I know her now, and I know that when babies get tired, they cry. And that's okay. She will eat a great dinner and scream for more cheesecake (so will I) and then we will go home, say our prayers, and sleep peacefully in our comfortable house, in our comfortable lives, content…fulfilled…and looking forward to what my next birthday will bring.