4th of July

The 4th of July was pretty abysmal around here.  We had everyone over to our house for a BBQ (everyone was still in town because at this point dad was still in a coma).  We had already been to the temple and already knew that dad wasn't going to be on this earth much longer.  As a result, it was challenging to be of good cheer.  We tried diligently to make the most of it for the kids' sake.  After all, most of them still didn't understand what was going on.  Those who did were as depressed as we were.  My little ones definitely didn't understand completely.  I had sat them down and explained to them that even if grandpa didn't make it, the blessings were still true.  I explained, particularly to Xiana, that the promise that he would remember all of his family members and the love he had for them, and the love they have for him, was absolutely true.  I explained to her that of course he would remember those things if it was his time to leave the earth.  She cried a bit, but I think the faith of a child is powerful because she was fairly resilient.  One of mom's favorite holidays is the 4th of July, her birthday was the following week, and her anniversary shortly after.  I imagine this time of year will be especially hard for her in years to come.  I'm glad we went to the fireworks and made things as normal as possible for our kids, but there were countless times throughout the day where the fact that dad wasn't there with us was almost more than I could bear.  Then, when the fireworks sounded, all I could think about was mom, alone, at home, from here on out.  It was excruciating.  It was hard to be grateful for our freedom in such a trying time, yet, the Lord continued to bless our hearts with comfort and solace. I'm fairly certain though, that this will be the saddest 4th we will have.