F.O.U.R

My girl turned four today. Words cannot convey the gravity of that sentence. The sentiment is staggering. I feel as if the whole world could stop and, as cliche as it sounds, nothing would be the same without this little girl. She is small like dynamite, so spirited she makes me pale in my enthusiasm. She had a wonderful couple of celebration days which I will post about later, but for tonight, I only want to write about her. I did my traditional Xiana alphabet which goes a little something like this:

Adamant that she's always right

Beautiful

Colors all the time

Dresses up daily (she particularly loves wedding dresses)

Every day she cracks me up. Sometimes by simply saying, "you're cracking me up!"

Flirty, four, fearless.

Giving. And she gives the best hugs. She folds herself into you.

Helper. She loves to help with her brother.

Innocent. (even if she doesn't act like it).

Jubilant

Kind to others. She genuinely cares about her family and friends. She is also frequently referred to as a knucklehead.

Lively. Truly. Also loud!!!

Mama's girl.

Nit picky (she even bosses make believe).

Obedient

Passionate about everything she does.

Quirky.

Remembers EVERYTHING.

Sensitive. Don't let her exuberance full you. She breaks easily.

Tiny. Still. Perhaps always. She finally tips the scales at 26 lbs and 36 inches.

Unique

Vivacious

Whimsical, wonderful, wide eyed

Xiana Lee Andersen

Youthful. You can't get enough of her.

Zealous

When we sang to her tonight, she had this expression of wonder and awe, as if she were marveling about this existence, this life where people sing to you, and you get to sing to others. She is sharp as a whistle, this little girl. She is so very remarkable I find myself feeling like my very existence is defined by hers. As if she is so amazing that she made me instead of the other way around. In most ways, she did. I owe her my life. As I sit and contemplate the last four years, I can't help but wonder if I've been enough. Have I been loving, educational, spiritual, good enough for her? I'm sure I've failed her in a lot of ways, but I'm also sure I haven't in most ways. I always think back to the night of her birth. There I was, alone in the hospital room with this tiny creature, this tiny being that made the world a different place and instantaneously turned the sky a different color. I marveled at her. I cried. I snuggled. I breathed her in. I consumed her. But mostly, she consumed me. She took me in to my very core. And I will never be the same. For that I am thankful... grateful beyond expression... blessed beyond comprehension... Happy birthday my dear sweet wonderful perfect Xiana. My little hero. My little example. My little light. My little purpose. My little angel. How could I possibly be so loved to be entrusted with you? How can it possibly be that you came to this earth four years ago today? I can scarcely fathom that. I hope your life is always this beautiful you daughter of God, princess of The King. I love you. You are more.