Kicks and kids

Kolton has taken to sticking his tongue out... quite regularly. It's very cute. Brian says he looks like Grandpa Frey when he does so... he also claims that Xiana and I picked up the trait. He is so darling in his little overalls.... but the cutest part....
His kicks (of the outfit I mean, not the cutest part of this darling boy). He has lots of pairs of adorable shoes... he even has a pair of scrunchy camo shoes, but hey don't fit yet. These are pretty much show stopping. They even have little pockets on the sides.
I love this picture! Ekco is really good to help out with Kolton. She is old enough to be able to get him out of his crib, pick him up, and entertain him. He is lucky to have two loving older sisters.
This is pretty compelling evidence that the tongue thing is an inherited trait from his daddy.

Pumpkin Patch Preview

Our dear friends the Andelins run a family farm pumpkin patch each year (this is their second). It is f.a.b.u.l.o.u.s. For starters, it is directly across the street from us so it's easy access. Also, all of my friends, and thus all of Xiana's friends go there regularly. We got a season pass and, I think, got our money's worth. There are so many fun things to do there, and such great people that I constantly have to remind myself this is still a public place. It's hard not to let your kids run free. They have a corn box full of corn kernels and sand toys. If I were a kid, I know that would be my favorite part.
We got to go on hay rides around the farm.
Play some more in the corn...
When Natalie first started the tractor, I swear I almost fell out. All the kids were solid and sturdy, the grownups... not so much.
They have saddles set up with lassos and a fake cow to rope.
There is a slide coming off the hay behind me.
And, Xiana's absolute most favorite part: a dress up barn. There are costumes galore and the kids gravitate to them. They try on every outfit and tell us, "I'm a cowgirl, dragon, princess, cop, etc."
And of course, the reason for the event... the pumpkin patch (although Xiana forgot to bring her pumpkin home several times).
Warning: this will not be my last pumpkin patch post. There are more to follow.

Arts and crafts

I will not be the least bit surprised if Xiana becomes an artist. Nothing takes up her time like arts and crafts. I got her some puffy paint (thank you commercial that made her think she couldn't live without them) and a piece of fabric. She loved it.
She wrote her name, and, I must admit, I had to use them for a minute too. Indeed, they were fun!
She had her dear friend Emma over and they painted...
And made masks....they were so cute together and very proud of their finished products.

Oh these kids!!!

What can I say? They are so smart, attractive, wonderful, energetic, full of life, keep you on your toes at all times, and sassy. Sometimes I don't know whether to hug them or beat them, to laugh or to cry. Xiana is such a little diva with her hair straightened. I can't believe how long it's getting... I think she needs a trim.

The other day Xiana came running out of her bedroom in her panties with her hands in the air in a model pose exclaiming, "I'm a fashionista!"

She's beginning to really understand the concept of spelling. The other day at grandma's house she kept running from her coloring book in the kitchen, to Kolton's exersaucer in the living room, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. There is quite a distance between the two. My mom finally asked her what on earth she was doing. "I'm writing baby Einstein." She explained. The letters were on his toy so she was committing them to memory. Indeed friends, she wrote baby Einstein. It looked like this: BQBY Einsxein. The t on the toy was tilted making it look like an x. No amount of persuasion could convince my girl that it was, in fact a t.

She also writes Ekco's name by copying the lettering up on her wall. Genius I tell you, sheer genius.

The other day she commented on something and I told her she was wrong. She assured me, "Oh mom, that's just a figure of speech!"

We had our program at church and Xiana sang every word to every song at the top of her lungs. And believe me, girl has got some lungs! She was so passionate, emphatic, and enthused. She loves nothing more than primary and primary songs. Well, she might love being the center of attention more. As a result, she capitalized on all her favorite things. I saw a lot of teary eyes in the crowd, but I'll be honest, it was hard for me to stop laughing. She was so intensely serious with her big eyes bulged out of her head. It was absolutely priceless. I am so impressed that the chorister could teach these little children so many songs. It was awesome.

Kolton is officially wearing 6 month clothes which is no small feat in the land of small babies. In this picture he is 5 months. He talks all the time, singing in his crib. He is so sweet. He continues to want to be on his feet as much as possible, thus, LOVING his jumper. He jumps and jumps and jumps.
And then he jumps some more, often singing while he does so.
He doesn't make it very easy to grade papers. He insists on being held and then double insists on holding my pen... little stinker! He is not very cuddly, but he is as smiley as they come. He laughs and smiles all the time. He often has this expression like he is intently studying something or other; like he gets it. He is such a joy. He loves to wrestle with daddy. I personally think Brian is too rough with him, but he laughs and laughs and laughs pleading for more so I guess I'm just a girl... what do I know?

The old and the young

Isn't it remarkable how much love the old and the young have for one another. There is this common bond; this knowing that somehow gets lost in the middle ages. I love to see the expressions on faces of elderly and infants when they are around each other. It's the same with babies and other babies... they just know. Kolton looks like such a big boy in this picture with his jeans on. He only got to wear them once because then they were too short... such is the life with babies.
We went to Brian's friend's grandma's birthday. She turned 94. She is an amazing woman. She is feisty and spit-fire and completely and utterly lucid. She lives with her daughter and her grandson. They have all taken in Xiana as their own showering her with gifts, love, and adoration. Likewise, they love our little Kolton. Their faces light up when they see him and they marvel at his size, capabilities, and appearance.
Marie can't hold him for long due to her arthritis, but she continually says, "well for goodness sake, will you look at him?!" It's pretty wonderful when people love your children. It makes you love them in return... no matter what. We love our trips a few blocks over to visit this wonderfully colorful family. They are "our people."
Xiana always comes home feeling spoiled and special.
And always loves her baby brother, who will probably be much bigger than her sometime very soon.

F.O.U.R

My girl turned four today. Words cannot convey the gravity of that sentence. The sentiment is staggering. I feel as if the whole world could stop and, as cliche as it sounds, nothing would be the same without this little girl. She is small like dynamite, so spirited she makes me pale in my enthusiasm. She had a wonderful couple of celebration days which I will post about later, but for tonight, I only want to write about her. I did my traditional Xiana alphabet which goes a little something like this:

Adamant that she's always right

Beautiful

Colors all the time

Dresses up daily (she particularly loves wedding dresses)

Every day she cracks me up. Sometimes by simply saying, "you're cracking me up!"

Flirty, four, fearless.

Giving. And she gives the best hugs. She folds herself into you.

Helper. She loves to help with her brother.

Innocent. (even if she doesn't act like it).

Jubilant

Kind to others. She genuinely cares about her family and friends. She is also frequently referred to as a knucklehead.

Lively. Truly. Also loud!!!

Mama's girl.

Nit picky (she even bosses make believe).

Obedient

Passionate about everything she does.

Quirky.

Remembers EVERYTHING.

Sensitive. Don't let her exuberance full you. She breaks easily.

Tiny. Still. Perhaps always. She finally tips the scales at 26 lbs and 36 inches.

Unique

Vivacious

Whimsical, wonderful, wide eyed

Xiana Lee Andersen

Youthful. You can't get enough of her.

Zealous

When we sang to her tonight, she had this expression of wonder and awe, as if she were marveling about this existence, this life where people sing to you, and you get to sing to others. She is sharp as a whistle, this little girl. She is so very remarkable I find myself feeling like my very existence is defined by hers. As if she is so amazing that she made me instead of the other way around. In most ways, she did. I owe her my life. As I sit and contemplate the last four years, I can't help but wonder if I've been enough. Have I been loving, educational, spiritual, good enough for her? I'm sure I've failed her in a lot of ways, but I'm also sure I haven't in most ways. I always think back to the night of her birth. There I was, alone in the hospital room with this tiny creature, this tiny being that made the world a different place and instantaneously turned the sky a different color. I marveled at her. I cried. I snuggled. I breathed her in. I consumed her. But mostly, she consumed me. She took me in to my very core. And I will never be the same. For that I am thankful... grateful beyond expression... blessed beyond comprehension... Happy birthday my dear sweet wonderful perfect Xiana. My little hero. My little example. My little light. My little purpose. My little angel. How could I possibly be so loved to be entrusted with you? How can it possibly be that you came to this earth four years ago today? I can scarcely fathom that. I hope your life is always this beautiful you daughter of God, princess of The King. I love you. You are more.

Wow!

These kids they are a growin'. It's hard to believe that I almost have a four-year-old! Plus, Kolton just keeps plugging away at the big boy world making his mama feel like he just doesn't want to be a baby at all. It's sad. and beautiful. and sweet. but mostly, it's hard to believe.
Xiana has always been way behind in sizes...way behind. My parents bought her some 3t jammies prompting me to get out the 3t boxes of clothes. Imagine my surprise when these enormous looking jammies fit her. I then put some 6 month jammies on Kolton and nearly fell over. These are my growing, jammied kids. It's beyond me how time flies so much and yet, it's hard to imagine that only 4 short years ago, they weren't here with me.... because it feels like they've always been here.
I let Xiana have one of the pear boxes to play with. She loves to color boxes. I came home from work one night to this....
She had a pillow for back support and was, "doing research for school."
And this little bugger rolls and rolls and rolls all over the place. Who gave him permission to do so?

Where is your joy?

The house is eerily quiet. I just went to bed for a few minutes after a long, but productive day. I found myself lying there, thinking about my days, and nights, and weeks, and months, and years. I found myself unable to sleep. I thought of all the remarkable things my children do, the remarkable things my husband does, the remarkable things my family and friends do. I felt such an urge to get up and write. I'm not sure why. I woke early this morning to carry two sleeping children in the still dark and crisp air to the car so they could hang out with grandma while I went to work. I graded a ton of papers, taught four classes, watched TV with Brian. My day was full and yet... here I am...awake feeling the urge to write. Something that has been on my mind a lot now is the most amazingly wonderful Relief Society broadcast several weeks ago. I know that many of my dear friends have already had the opportunity to hear this, but alas... many have not. I recognize this is awfully belated, but still... here goes. In order to fully grasp the significance of this talk, I must first place you in my day... or week... or month prior to listening to the Forget Me Nots.
The very day of the Relief Society broadcast I was consumed by a series of thoughts that actually seemed to take over my brain. This feeling of complacency. Okay so, here it is. I am constantly grading. Grading grading grading a great many papers, just a hundred last week. While I grade I regularly write on essays, "What is the point? Make this meaningful." Oh, had I never written these words, perhaps I would not have been plagued by a misguided pity party this day. Instead I was consumed by these words when applied to my own life. I found myself at a loss to make everything meaningful... what is the point? I'm sure the onslaught of these feelings could be related to a new baby and a busier than usual schedule this semester, but still. I felt like all I do is drive and live this boring life where I drop kids off, pick kids up, go to work, come home from work, clean the house, make meals, clean up meals, do the laundry, put the laundry away, work, home, housework, driving, juggling, juggling, juggling. Get excited for something fun, yell at my kids, feel disappointed, yell at my spouse, nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse, nurse, pump. I found myself feeling a bit grass is greener mentality while I pined for a day to blog. Truly. blog. Then I thought, how pathetic, or is that pathetic? Is is actually not pathetic but substantial and meaningful or is is just a waste of pathetic time? Get to the point, what does it mean? Make it meaningful. Does it even matter? Then I listened to the talk by Elder Uchdorf and discovered something marvelous, miraculous, life altering. For there is something that matters very much. Surprisingly it is in the tedious, daily, ins and outs of this life even when everything feels annoying or boring or obnoxious, or just plain unfair. It is this simple and eloquent truth, "you are truly precious daughters in God’s kingdom." It's true. Even when every day is exactly the same, I am still blessed. It might not be fireworks; it might not mean date night every night. You still have responsibilities.. you still have to can, you still have to get things done, do the dishes, play with the toddler, feed the baby, take care of those you love so that they might of joy and experience. And that. is. fulfillment. Who knew? Yet, as he spoke, a simple understanding crashed over me.
He said this, and I stopped, and I held my breath as I listened. For he was speaking to me. Surely, he was speaking only to me. He spoke of a flower so aptly labeled the forget me not. It has five petals and representative of each, he had a lesson for me. for only me... for just little old boring pathetic me. First, he said, "forget not to be patient with yourself." Ohh if words could convey how these words rocked me to my very core it would be astonishing, nothing short of miraculous if you could understand what it felt to have the permission to be patient with myself. Then, as I looked around the room at the tear soaked faces, the silent sniffles and tissues, the half smiles while trying to look composed, I knew....everyone felt the same. The Lord guided this sweet man to say exactly what we women needed to hear. Be patient with yourself. You see, part of my bad attitude was a direct result of my increasing impatience with everyone around me, but most of all, with myself. I felt so utterly inadequate in all aspects of my life, that it was hard to find joy in anything. I felt guilty, impossible, and frustrated. He said, "Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others. Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.

In the meantime, be thankful for all the small successes in your home, your family relationships, your education and livelihood, your Church participation and personal improvement. Like the forget-me-nots, these successes may seem tiny to you and they may go unnoticed by others, but God notices them and they are not small to Him. If you consider success to be only the most perfect rose or dazzling orchid, you may miss some of life’s sweetest experiences."

And that, my friends, is what I was doing. I was missing some of life's sweetest experiences because I was looking for something fun, exciting, and easy. The second forget me not is "forget not the difference between a good sacrifice and a foolish sacrifice." If only I could have somebody else prioritize for me. It's funny that I was so annoyed that I couldn't blog because I had to grade papers and can fruits and vegetables. I forgot that there is a good and a foolish sacrifice. I also forgot that for everything, there is a season.

The third: "forget not to be happy now." He compared life to Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. He spoke of how people were first grateful and happy with the chocolate bar, but soon began only caring about the golden ticket, or lack thereof. They were so busy waiting for the golden ticket, that they could no longer be happy in the now. Direct translation: when is it going to be fun? When is it going to stop? When am I going to be done? When will I be as happy as her? When will my children behave like theirs? When will I get to go on a fabulous anniversary cruise? Like Elder Uchdorf states, "The tragedy is that this dear woman, in all her disappointment about her golden ticket, failed to notice the blessings she did have." I was that woman. Sometimes I still am, but I'm working at it now. I don't want to wait for happiness to make me happy. I want to appreciate and be grateful for all the happiness that I have today, here, now. I am so very very very very very blessed. Again, his words spoke to me. They whispered in my ear reminding me how much joy my children bring to me, how much I adore my husband who works hard for our family, how fortunate I am to have the gospel, an education, a job. "The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments. They are the ones who, thread by daily thread, weave a tapestry of gratitude and wonder throughout their lives. These are they who are truly happy."

Fourth? "Fourth, forget not the “why” of the gospel....The “why” of obedience sanctifies our actions, transforming the mundane into the majestic. It magnifies our small acts of obedience into holy acts of consecration." Enough said.

"Fifth, forget not that the Lord loves you." And this is where the tears really started because I knew this all along. I don't know why I didn't remember. I don't know how I could forget. This talk was like Heavenly Father's arms enveloping me, comforting me, encouraging me, rooting me on, forgiving me, and helping me to be dedicated to serving, loving, obeying. "Just think of it: You are known and remembered by the most majestic, powerful, and glorious Being in the universe! You are loved by the King of infinite space and everlasting time!
He who created and knows the stars knows you and your name—you are the daughters of His kingdom." You are not forgotten! "My dear Relief Society sisters, you are closer to heaven than you suppose. You are destined for more than you can possibly imagine. Continue to increase in faith and personal righteousness." I went home renewed, revived, recharged. I'm excited to share this revelation. I hope I don't forget the little forget me not. The most powerful flower in the world.

Big Boy

I'm telling you... Kolton is an expert eater. When Xiana started solids she made an awful mess. Kolton eats and eats. He has really mastered the eating process. The only problem is that he is only 5 months and already grabbing for OUR food. Still, he has had sweet potatoes, squash, cereal, and peas. So far he will eat them all. At just over four months he eats a stage 2 jar with cereal mixed in it every night. That's pretty impressive if you ask me.
So far I don't have any of those sweet potatoes in his hair (er, I mean on his head), eyes, nose, chest, etc. Like I said, he eats pretty well. Sometimes he gets food on his hands while he tries to grab that spoon, but that's the extent. Brian claims that he fusses and doesn't eat well, but he rarely does that to me.
He sits up like a big boy and eats his food...
while grabbing at everything around him.
He is so big he has taken to wearing shoes. This is one of many adorable pairs of kicks!
P.S. pay no attention to the messy house in the background of all these pictures. I have mostly given up.

Canning, canning, and more canning

My mom very thoughtfully ordered me a bushel of pairs. Unfortunately, I also ordered myself a bushel. As a result, we had three ripe bushels of pairs one day. Fortunately, it was my day off. Unfortunately, I didn't get to blog the way I wanted. Fortunately, we canned 36 quarts of pairs, and 16 pints of pear butter. Unfortunately, it took all day.
Fortunately, we did it at mom's house and Kolton cooperated.
Unfortunately, it made a big mess. In the end, I think the fortune outweighs the misfortune. The pears are sweet and the butter is scrumptious.
The following Tuesday I was so looking forward to getting some things done. Unfortunately, the forecast said freezing temperatures. Fortunately Brian hadn't left on his hunt yet. Unfortunately, there were 4 crates of tomatoes (oh wait, that's the fortunate part... I'm getting confused). Fortunately, Brian and Xiana picked and picked and picked the tomatoes (this is roughly 1/4 of them pictured here). Unfortunately, that meant I had to can them.
Fortunately Brian helped blanch them.
Unfortunately, it took all day long again.
fortunately, his garden yielded a ton of veggies including about a million jalapenos.
Unfortunately I already stuffed and cooked as many as possible and now they are smoking smoking smoking hot and I can't find any takers. We still have about 5 pounds of them.... takers anyone?
Fortunately, I also made about 3 gallons of marinara sauce to freeze. Unfortunately, it was really really really really messy which I didn't have time for because I had 100 papers to grade that week.
Fortunately, we bottled 28 quarts of tomatoes, 3 gallons of sauce, bowls and bowls of salsa, and made fresh bruchetta in bulk. Unfortunately, we couldn't get to all of them and they are, even now, starting to rot in the front room which makes me feel guilty, not guilty enough to do another batch of jars, but guilty nonetheless.
Fortunately, we didn't get buried in cucumbers this year so there are no homemade pickles in our future (oh wait, is that unfortunate?) Unfortunately, we didn't pick them soon enough and the gigantic ones are not as delicious.
Fortunately, we have a freezer full of zucchini and gave a ton away which were redeemed for some marvelous pumpkins from the Andelin's farm.
Fortunately, Brian grew a spectacular garden and we will be reaping the rewards until next year when he plants again. There is something fulfilling about having vegetables from the backyard in December. Plus, what a sense of accomplishment to feel that we are able to live so much off our own labor. Lovely. I'm grateful I have a husband who makes a garden a priority. I guess the least I can do is make canning one for me.