Mother's Day

I'll post more later on my big man's birthday, but first I want to take a moment and write about mother's day. 

I remember shortly after I found out I was pregnant with Xiana my dear friend called to tell me happy Mother's day.  The sentiment was staggering; the implications paralyzing.  Wow.  I would be a mother.  By this time next year I will have a darling child in my arms.  I would fulfill my greatest desire.  Of course I had never planned to participate in this sacred event in the circumstances I was in. 

And yet...

And yet...

The circumstances couldn't be more perfect because this would be the beginning of my Xiana, my sweet wonderful Xiana who saved my life in more ways than one.  I also remember having a feeling about wanting to go to the temple by the following mother's day quickly discarding it believing that was impossible.  I would never be there.

The following mother's day was my first temple preparation class.

Never say never, and don't trust the adversary.  In my vast experience with him... he's wrong!

Then, I was made a mother again the day I married my wonderful husband.  This time, I would be a different type of mother: a step mother, but the job description was intact. The motivations, the trials, the rewards the same.  The fact that Ekco doesn't call me mom in no way prevents me from loving her, and worrying about her.  Again, this was not the circumstances I anticipated.

And yet...

And yet...

The circumstances couldn't be more perfect because Ekco made Brian the man that he is.  Like Xiana, she taught him molded him and created in him a man I would some day meet, love, and marry.

Just shy of one year later, Brian made me a mother again.  This time it was exactly in the circumstances I envisioned.  Kolton was born in the covenant (we were sealed 2 weeks earlier), and he was born to two parents with two sisters, a place to call home, and adoring family members. 

And yet...

And yet...

It wasn't at all what I expected.  I thought he would be up all the time. I worried that I hadn't bonded to him the same way I had with Xiana.  I fretted over him eating enough, being stimulated enough, making eye contact enough.  And then I learned something.   There is no expectation or plan that covers our realities.  While we are busy planning our futures, we could very well miss out on our present.  If my life had gone according to MY plan, it would cease to have the very most important people in it... my family!  The people that made me a mother.  The reasons I get to hear "happy mother's day."  Ultimately, my reasons for living.  I read a quote the other day that said "life is what happens to us while we're making other plans."  And earlier I heard Sis. Dalton say, "You cannot follow God's plan until you stop following your own."  It's so true.  Our speaker in church today talked about how, in this life, it's not about what our adversaries are, but rather how we endure them.  It's the same for our blessings.  It's not about what they are, but how we receive them.  I know that I can be incredibly ungrateful at times.  But moments like today when I take the time to see how truly blessed I am, I am humbled.  I am grateful for my three individual, unique children and the man that made us a family. 

Today, in church, Xiana, the first to make me a mother, sang a song to mothers.  Later, when church was finished, she gave me a beautiful flower and said, "Happy mother's day mommy.  You are the best mommy in the whole world and I love you."  Amidst pangs of emotion I also found my self-deprecating ways creeping in via the adversary reminding me that I was, in fact, not the best mommy in the world. 

And yet...

And yet...

I am the best mommy in the world to my little ones... because they are mine.  They wanted me.  They came to me.  And so, if you're feeling inadequate, or let down, or discouraged, just remember, you are the best mommy in the world.  That is no lie. They didn't come to you by accident.  They wouldn't choose to leave you if they could.  I find it so fitting that Kolton's birthday is today.  He made me a mother again.  His sweet, independent, loyal spirit united with ours a year ago today.  Words are not enough.

Happy mother's day!!!