Rose colored glasses (those with week stomachs might consider skipping this post)

So this is what it feels like to be engaged. I can't lie and say I've always wondered... because I haven't. I am one of those rare girls that never thought about my wedding ring. I never looked at bridal magazines. I never cut out pictures of wedding gowns and pasted them in a book to refer to when the time came. No. I pretty much never thought about a wedding. I knew that I would get married in my life, but the wedding part never really mattered much to me. I always felt that when people got engaged it was a necessary and inevitable step towards their union... not much else. I assumed that it didn't change anything to be engaged. It feels like to me, that I was wrong. Because suddenly things feel subtly different amounting to magnanimous change. When Brian proposed and put the ring that he designed on my finger, suddenly, and without warning, the ring that I had never even considered became vastly important. I mean like really really important...crucial even. And this ring (the one that HE designed) immediately became the ring of my dreams, the ring that I had always wanted, the perfect, most fabulous ring. And it's funny because when we went and looked at rings the sales clerk asked, "are you finding your dream ring?" and I had to admit that, no, I was not finding it because I simply did not have one. And yet, Brian placed my dream ring on my finger late Sat. night. And rest assured. It is my dream ring. It embodies him and me and us and I. love. it. (almost as much as I love him teehee) Lest you think I am materialistic and obsessed with a ring, let me now attempt to explain the other differences between pre-engaged and post-engaged. There are many. Let me just start by saying I have known for a while that I was going to marry him some day (like think 3rd date) it was mainly a matter of convincing him. (And don't think for a second that a reoccurring statement in our relationship didn't consist of me explaining to him that I'm not sure he realizes yet how completely awesome I am, because it did!) Plus, we have been talking marriage for several months now so his proposal shouldn't have surprised me like it did. And you'd think that not much would change since marriage has been the dialogue between us for a while and I have felt certain that we were companions-to-be. Yet. it feels different. It's a distinct yet almost imperceptible feeling. Like somebody took the magic wedding wand and tapped me over the head with it. Because instantaneously I felt a deeper connection to Brian and I felt more like a team than I ever have before. This is strange because I have felt like we are a team for a long time. I have felt like we are one. But now... it's like we are one. And we're not even married yet. In my heart and mind I just feel like we are these two people that are joined forever (which we will be, but we're not yet and still I feel like we are). And I didn't think it was possible to feel more comfortable with him than I already do because we have always been very comfortable and yet, suddenly, when I look at him, it feels like home. And it is home. And I feel like the luckiest girl alive. I'm sure all soon-to-be-brides feel that way, but it's hard to believe that anybody else has ever felt like this before. But I'll believe it because I also never thought I would feel like this. He spent his birthday at my parents house and some of his siblings came over, and his daughter is here with him. As we sat around the tree singing, it felt so right and I felt so safe. I can't say that I've ever felt particularly unsafe, but having him by my side with this ring on my hand provides a sense of security that I never even knew was missing; that I never even knew I wanted. But I must, because it is a wonderful feeling. All at once I inherited a much bigger family. And I like his family. All of them. And in my head I've known that they would be my family too. But like everything else, it feels different now. Because now it's official and they are my family. And I feel closer to them too. Just. like. that. Weird huh? And I hope that the flutters I get in my stomach every time I see his face will never go away. I know. You can say it. Throw up already right? But it's true. And I hope that everybody in the whole world has either felt or will feel this some day in their lives. Because it is the most amazing feeling. And the world looks different somehow when you feel like this; easier; brighter; safer; more beautiful.

These pictures don't begin to do this ring justice, but at least you get the idea.