32!!!

Happy birthday to me! I celebrated my 32nd birthday this year.  I felt much the way I felt on my 29th birthday... after the dust of motherhood had settled and I felt, for one of the first times, like a person again.  This is similar to how I felt this year.  Brian and I went out for sushi and then bowling (which was our first date).  Suddenly, my experience, feelings, and thoughts came crashing down on me reminding me that, although I am often a mother first... that is not all I am. I am also a person, a wife, a teacher, a thinker, an optimistic individual that sometimes loses her optimism.  I did it with Xiana, Kolton, and I'm sure I'll do it again; this thing where I get lost in the void of motherhood and can't seem to make it out.  I forget to feel confident and instead feel resentful.  I forget to feel grateful and instead feel overwhelmed.  But most importantly, I forget the I am me.  I still exist.  When we were bowling, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic.  It took me back to the first time I met Brian and we were there, in the same alley.  I remembered my initial impression of him; how mysterious and exciting it all was.  I remembered how good it felt, and fun.  It was good for me to remember how incredible he is; how I forget that he excites emotions in me that had been previously, and later put on the back burner.  It reminded me who I was years ago.  It reminded me that I still am her.  I guess I just rely on birthdays for perspective and a sense of self.  I'm. still. here.  I'm. glad.

The next day was my actual birthday so we went to my parent's house where my mom made crab cakes and cheesecake. It was beyond delicious and we had a wonderful time.

I had my trusty helper to blow out my candles, and I made a wish... but I'll never tell.

I got to spend my birthday with the most important people on earth to me. And Brian left belatedly on his brother's elk hunt so that he could be here for my birthday. Oh, and also so that I didn't kill him for missing both my bday and Thanksgiving. But I think the former was the most important part.

We went to church, Xiana was her adorable self, Brian made me breakfast, and all was good in the

land of 32!

 

Brian got me new headphones and itunes gift card and my parents gave me a gift certificate for a spa!  It was a wonderful birthday weekend.