Still pregnant

Yes, I know... it's happening already... the absence of photos of baby number 2. I heard this was a calamity that usually strikes middle children, and now, alas, I have come to discover it is true. Nevermind that baby number two hasn't yet arrived. I still know that this lack of photo taking disease has already struck. You see, with Xiana, I had already taken about a billion belly pics by this stage in the pregnancy. This poor little guy only has two. When he is a toddler and ever so interested in his birth story, I will have to sit down with him and, where Xiana has an entire pregnancy album (to say nothing of her 100 page journal) show him two pictures. "This is when you were in mommy's tummy," I'll tell him. And he'll wonder why on earth it was so much more fascinating to have his big sister in said tummy. Then I (or perhaps Xiana) will explain to him that there are also perks to being a second child. For instance: Xiana will be able to relate how mommy would go postal over her dropping (let's get real, throwing) her food on the floor. But, as also tends to be the trend, baby number 2's food mishaps will likely go unnoticed due to a busy, busy mommy. Also, poor Xiana gets harped on for a lot of tiny details... a lot. Many of which will not be clear to mommy later down the road. Baby number 2 will be born under the covenant and have a daddy from day one (though Xiana doesn't remember a time without one). He will also live in a nice house with a big yard for playing and discovering. Still, the downsides certainly include: an already extraordinarily busy mom with lots to do and an active toddler. This pregnancy has flown by because we have been so very busy. It's hard to believe that in less than 6 weeks we will have a new little addition to our family. Life has been stressful between working on our fixer upper house, clinging to our ever changing and cutting back jobs, and now, (a real blow) Brian has been moved to permanent weekends which means he can't attend church meetings with us. This also means that it will only be a matter of time before he, too, is laid off. Suddenly all our house plans seem pretty unimportant, especially if we no longer live here in the near future. Keep us in your prayers and if anyone knows of a job... don't hesitate to send it our way. The universities have also suffered huge closures and cutbacks. Nevertheless we are picking ourselves up by the bootstraps and forging ahead. Also, in all fairness our family has also experienced some major major blessings not the least of which is Brian taking out his endowments this Friday (of course that deserves its own post later). But oh yeah, that's right, I was talking about the baby. See? Already he's getting the shaft! I remember when I was pregnant with Xiana, I had so much energy and I felt great. I never swoll up, I was never in pain, and I was an insomniac. I heard other women complaining and griping so and I thought, "wow, women are really quite weak when it comes down to it." I was quite judgemental and thought they were surely overexaggerating as I, despite being a high risk pregnancy, had no negative symptoms. I also never felt my little girl move. Now, I wonder how she could possibly have been born a healthy, developed child because this little boy is a nonstop mover and shaker. And.... he hurts! I take back everything I ever muttered or thought about other pregnant women. This is hard. I am in pain. But... worst of all... I. am. tired. I HATE to be tired. I hate it. I hate this nesting stage where my body just can't possibly keep up with my manic mind. I find myself grading papers and trying to attend to the ever piling to do lists and all I can think is, "there's dust on the windowsills," and,"I haven't moved that tv in 6 months, imagine the dirt collecting behind it!" I took several days and deep cleaned the house. The nesting I do remember with Xiana. The only difference was... I lived alone. I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and everything stayed exactly the same. Now, I clean and clean and clean and a few hours later, you can't tell! :) But, there are much worse things in the world than dirty window sills so I can deal. My blood pressure has managed to stay completely normal throughout this entire pregnancy thus far. This is extra surprising considering I am now larger than I was the day I delivered Xiana. But I guess that comes with the territory when you aren't placed on an ultra strict diet. Overall I am feeling pretty good, just not as good as last pregnancy. I hope this isn't a pattern.

Xiana is ever more excited to have a baby brother and, more importantly, to be a big sister. She constantly talks to and tickles my belly exclaiming, "I'm tickling my baby brother!" More than once she's kissed my tummy and said, "I love my baby brother." I realize that a hypothetical baby is extremely different than a real live crying and taking mommy and daddy time baby, but...I do think she will be adaptable. She is 3 1/2 which is a pretty good age as far as understanding and being able to help and be excited for a new addition. I'm sure that, like all toddlers, she will have her fair share of moments of animosity or jealousy. We will just have to make sure to give her extra love and attention and help her feel needed all the time. She is a growing, loving girl.

Ekco is also excited, though decidedly less as she already has 3 little brothers and has been through this a time or two. Though, now she is much older and I know she is going to be such a great big sister. No matter how much work little babies are, it's a rare heart that doesn't melt when they hold those tiny little creatures.

As for me? I am thrilled. Though people keep asking if I'm over it yet and so ready. The answer is no. I have a lot to do before this little munchkin arrives and if he comes early he could seriously thwart my plans. Especially since I am planning on posting grades the day before his birth. Also, I already know what it's like having a new born :) Still, 9 months is the perfect amount of prep time. The Lord is indeed inspired. I yearn to hold his little body and touch his skin. I love the feeling a baby's breath on the crevice of my neck. I can already feel his tiny little fingers wrapping around my own. I'm eager to see what he looks like. I'm grateful to know that he will be coming straight from the presence of the Lord down to us. There is something so touching and spiritual about a baby. It brings tears to my eyes to imagine seeing him for the first time and, what's more, seeing Brian hold him tenderly, kiss his face, and rock him to sleep. Words just aren't enough.

As for Brian? I might have to convince him to do his own baby post so that this little guy will always know what his daddy was feeling at the time of his arrival. But if I had to speak for him I'd say he's pretty excited. He does have a great deal of stress, but he seems to be growing ever more cognizant of the little guy's arrival. As the time approaches we are all more aware, more prepared, and more eager to meet him... to hold him and know that he was made just for us; that it was always intended this way; that he agreed and wanted to be a part of OUR family. And we wanted HIM!