Xiana lost my notes

I haven't written a funny Xiana story in a long time. There is an explanation. First, I. am. busy. Second, Brian bought me an i-phone for Christmas so I gave Xiana my old phone. She loved it. She carried it around, took pictures with it, sent texts and emails, and charged it daily. Until... I went to Utah. The phone has not been seen since. The problem? All of my notes from the funny things I want to remember to document are in the phone. So... I will use the notes I have for now and then some day... if the phone every re-emerges I'll have a whole new set of clever anecdotes. Still:

• One day while at Walmart there was a man with swastikas on his shirt. The cashier was deeply offended and very loud about how un-cool she thought that was. As we were leaving Xiana asked me what was on his jacket. I told her he had "mean things" on there. A few days later I almost turned in front of a cop who had the right of way. I said, "phew, I'm so glad I didn't turn then because I could have gotten a ticket." Xiana said, "yeah, and he would take you to jail." I told her, "no, police take people to jail for doing really bad things like stealing or doing drugs or kidnapping." "yeah," she said, "or putting mean things on your jacket!"


• She has been particularly interested in my tattoos as of late. One day she asked me why I had tattoos since God didn't want us to put them on our bodies. I explained to her that I made a bad choice and that I disobeyed God but that I could repent for it because of our Savior. She thought about it for a moment then said, "I disobeyed God once too because I was at my friend's house and she gave me a coffee candy and I ate it cause I didn't know it was a coffee candy." It was really sweet. I then tried to explain to her the difference between a sin and a mistake or accident. She then justified my tattoos by insisting that I didn't put them there... someone else did :)


• One day at the store there was a large family. She confidently told me, "they sure have a lot of kids!"


• She was watching Winnie the Pooh and she exclaimed, "mommy, that bear is gonna be my husband because I love him sooo much!" "oh?" I asked,"so you will have little bear babies." "No," she replied, "we're going to have a mouse baby."


• One morning she told me, "mommy, my foot was hurting, but then my ankle farted and now it feels much better."


• While watching the movie Tangled Xiana got a little bit confused because there is a fake mommy that pretends to be nice even though she is cruel. She was concerned that Rapunzel was disobeying her mother. I explained to her that she wasn't her real mother, but that she was mean and her real mother was sad because she was trying to find her. At a part in the movie where the fake mom is being particularly sweet and sugary followed immediately by her true mean colors shining through, Xiana leaned over to me and said, "that mean mommy doesn't even know she's mean." Well said!


• One morning she limped out of her bedroom and (copying her dad) said, "I'm getting old. You know how I can tell I'm old? My feet feel old!"


• Xiana is obsessed with being a Sunbeam at church (the class for 3-year-olds). She talked about it for months before she got to go. She kept telling us that she was going to big girl school and she was oh so proud. For the last few weeks of nursery her leaders took her into primary to get a feel for it. Her first day there she answered 2 questions and got to put up ornaments on the activity tree. She went her official Sunbeam day and was beside herself with joy. She told us, "in big girl school today we learned about Jesus and Mary." She then proceeded to list off all the kids in her class and tell me that one of them was crying for her mommy. "But that's silly," she said, " cause we are in big girl school and big girls don't cry for their mommies." The following week we were in Las Vegas and I was a little bit apprehensive about sending her to primary in an unfamiliar ward with unfamiliar teachers, but... she insisted. About half way through I peeked my head in to see if she was doing all right and a teacher in the back assured me, "she's fine.... she's very..... outspoken. Don't worry, she'll tell you all about it." This was a great relief to me and quite hilarious as I am well acquainted with my outspoken child. When Brian picked her up from her class the teacher said that Xiana acted like every question was directed at her, like she was the only person in the class and the teacher was just teaching her. She is so sweet and I'm thrilled that she's so eager to learn in all environments. Last Sunday she told me her lesson was about when Jesus taught "the guys." "Oh," I said, "that's right, Jesus taught everyone and he especially loves children." "No! Not children mommy, the big guys." "Oh, the disciples!" I figured out. "Yeah," she said, "but you don't know about them because you weren't there!"
• For family home evening we read the Friend because of lack of preparation. There was a story about Jesus' resurrection and I asked Xiana what that meant. She said, "It means that you can't die again." Pretty good!
• While stopped at a light Xiana in the back seat said, "dude, come on!!!" I asked her who she was talking to and she said, "the guy that's in our way." I guess I need to watch my road rage. On another drive I was yelling for a guy to go and she said, "mom, he can't hear you." Then, a couple days ago she said, "that guys a jerk!" I explained to her that we don't say that and that I'm sorry I've said it before but we don't know anything about the people on the roads and it is unkind of us to use mean words. She responded, "okay, next time my daddy says it I will tell him we don't use that word." :)
• She must be ready for a new baby because she is quite familiar with the lingo. The other day I overheard her playing doctor giving her baby an "ultrasound."
• She has a Princess and the Frog poster and one day she told me, "that's silly that the poster doesn't show all the parts. I want it to show all the parts from the movie."
• At home one evening she told Brian and I: "today I made a mean choice and I'm not telling you." We went back and forth for quite a while, me insisting that she had to tell us, her insisting that she wasn't going to. Finally she indicated that she had not, in fact, made a mean choice. I asked her why she said that and she answered, "Because I thought it was funny."
• My dad has worn glasses for the last 50 years or so. He recently had cataracts surgery and no longer wears his glasses. One of the first times she saw him post op she insisted that he didn't look like himself anymore. Who? pray tell did he look like to her? Abraham Lincoln!!!!!
• She lovingly refers to her favorite toys as pocket "pollys"...